


Heck of a Day to be Us

by SallyTheWeirdPerson



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Gay, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), M/M, Perryshmirtz - Freeform, Trans Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:47:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,098
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26733826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SallyTheWeirdPerson/pseuds/SallyTheWeirdPerson
Summary: Perry the “Platypus” helps his nemesis, Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz, after Heinz was suppose to be in jail for a crime he didn’t commit. Peter the “Panda” says otherwise. Peter is upset that Perry has a better life than him. So, he tries to ruin Perry’s life. After, Perry helps Heinz, Peter tells everyone that Perry turned to the evil side and everyone from the O.W.C.A thinks it’s true to Perry and Heinz are “on the run”. It’s really a heck of a day to be them.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	1. Phineas

Perry was sitting in the backyard with his two nephews, Phineas and Ferb. “Uncle Perry, you wanna hear what me and Ferb are gonna do today?”, asked Phineas as he took some blueprints out of his pocket. “Of course kiddo-“, Perry paused as his watch began to beep. Phineas knew what that meant and he frowned. “Sorry kids, I gotta go to work..... maybe show me later-“ Perry never got to finish his sentence because of what Phineas said. “You always leave when me and Ferb do something fun. Why do you always leave to work this time of day? I don’t understand... it seems that you missed every single fun thing we did all summer.... It seems you leave on purpose so you don’t have to have fun with us. You don’t even tell us where you work! You just go somewhere and come back like nothing happened!”, Phineas said in a upset tone.

“Phineas, I would love to stay and hang out with you guys but-“, Perry stopped as his watch was beeping like crazy which meant it was really important. “Just leave already...... go do your important stuff because it seems more important than me and Ferb....”, Phineas said as he turned his head away from Perry. Ferb just gave a sad looked and hugged Phineas. “B-bye kids......”, Perry said as he walked out the gate and he put on his brown fedora. He sighed and hit the house wall two times with his elbow. A secret door opened and he went down into his secret lair.


	2. What a Liar

Perry sat down in his chair and saw Monogram come on the screen. Perry thought he was just gonna stop his nemesis, Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz, from doing something “evil”. But that wasn’t the case. “Agent P, Doofenshmirtz has kidnapped his brother, Mayor Doofenshmirtz, so he is being sent to jail.”, said Monogram and Perry was in shock. ‘He would never do something like that. How do you know he did it???’, Perry signed. Perry only talks when he is around his family, never in front of Monogram, Karl, any of the agents, or Doofenschmirtz. “I know he did it because Peter told me. Code name Peter the Panda.”, Monogram said and Perry rolled his eyes.

“Peter, could you come here?”, asked Monogram and Peter showed up on the screen. “Hello Perry, how are you? Probably feeling a little bit upset that your boyfriend is getting taken to jail”, Peter said as he gave a evil smile. Perry blushed and signed,’Number one, he is not my boyfriend. He is my nemesis. And number two, Heinz didn’t kidnap his own brother. He is not that evil.’ “Well, then explain this picture!”, Peter said as he pulled out a poorly drawn picture of someone tied up and Doofenshmirtz doing an evil laugh.

’Really???? Is that your proof? It looks like a two year old drew that. No one can get fooled by that! Stop lying and just say that Doofenshmirtz didn’t do it!’, Perry signed and Peter rolled his eyes. “Monogram, you think this picture is real right?”, Peter asked and Monogram took a look at it. “Well, duh it’s real. On the top of the picture it says that it’s real!”, Monogram said and Perry did a face palm. ‘Monogram, it’s not real! It’s fake! I prove it! Give me a chance!’, Perry signed and Monogram nodded.


	3. He is Guilty???

Perry, Peter, Monogram, Karl, and a judge were in a room together. The judge was a girl by the way. Anyways, agent Pinky came in and brought Heinz into the room. Perry looked at Heinz as he sat right next to Perry. They were all sitting at a big table. The room was used for meetings, but it is very rare for O.W.C.A to have any sort of meeting. “Heinz Doofenshmirtz, did you kidnap your brother, Roger Doofenshmirtz?”, asked the judge and Heinz shook his head no. 

“Why would I do a thing? I mean I do hate him. I have a ton of sad backstories to explain why I hate him. Perry the Platypus knows all of my backstories. Anyways, I didn’t kidnap my brother. OWCA already searched my apartment and he wasn’t there. I have a feeling that Peter the Panda is lying. He does hate Perry the Platypus and I guess me, so he would do a thing like this.”, Heinz said and the judge looked at Peter.

Peter gave her a look and the judge nodded. “Well, Heinz Doofenschmirtz, you are guilty! You will be sent to jail for the kidnap! Perry the Platypus, you will get a nemesis that is in another state. So, you will have to be moved into a different host family home.”, said the judge and Perry was in shock. “YOU CANT DO THAT-“, Perry yelled and everyone looked at him. “Perry the Platypus, you can talk?”, Heinz asked and Perry nodded yes sadly. 

How OWCA moves agents into new host families is by erasing their original host family’s mind and they will never know who their original uncle or aunt is. Then they get the new agent to be their aunt or uncle. It’s like nothing happened. But the agent never forgets. Never forgets. That’s why Perry did something he totally never regretted.


	4. The Runaway

Perry saw some cops outside and they were putting Heinz into a police car. Perry had an idea. He took off his hat and pulled of a cop outfit. He had more random stuff where that came from. Anyways, he hurried up and put the costume on and run over to the cops. “H-hello, I can handle this criminal and drive him to jail for you.. guys..”, Perry said nervously.

The cops looked at each other and nodded. They walked into the OWCA building, probably to get some food or something. “You know, you look a bit familiar... like my nemesis, Perry the Platypus! You guys would be great friends!”, Heinz said and Perry took off his police hat and then put on his brown fedora.

“Perry the Platypus? Why are you saving-“, Heinz got cut off by Perry covering his mouth. “I need you to be quiet about this. I will take my hand off your mouth if you promise to be quiet for now. Alright?”, Perry said and Heinz nodded his head. Perry took his hand off of his mouth and start to undo Heinz’s handcuffs. 

Perry took Heinz’s hand and they ran into a forest that was in front of them. No one saw expect Peter. He frowned as he looked at the two running into a forest. But then he had a great idea to ruin both of them. “You can run but you can’t hide for long.”, Peter said as he had an evil smile on his face.


	5. Just Walking and Someone Stalking

“Put the cop costume back on! You looked good in it!”, Heinz said and Perry shook his head no. “We have been walking for like 40 minutes! You haven’t said a word since! I know you can talk so don’t act like you can’t!”, Heinz said and Perry rolled his eyes. “Can’t I just know more about you? Please? Like why did you join OWCA? And who is your host family? And other things!”, Heinz said and Perry stopped walking.

“What did I say? Was it about the host family thing?”, Heinz asked and Perry looked at a bush. Then someone came out of it. It was Peter. “Where do you think you are going? Did you turn evil Perry? You are helping an evil person so it must mean that.”, Peter said and Peter walked backwards. Then Perry heard a train in the background. That gave him an idea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Ahhhhhhh I’m sorry it was short- the next one will be longer and I can’t wait to write it! I hope everyone is enjoying the story!


	6. Sidetracked

Perry grabbed Heinz’s hand and ran to the train tracks. The tracks were on a bridge and under the bridge were rocks and a lake. “Oh I see what you are doing. You are gonna let the train hit you both so you guys don’t have to suffer with the new changes. Smart choice.”, Peter said as he gave an evil smile. “Perry the Platypus, are you gonna kill us????”, Heinz said in fear and Perry didn’t answer.

The train was coming closer to the three of them. Perry grabbed his graveling hook and he told Heinz to grab on his hips. When the train came, Perry jumped off the bridge, then he used his graveling hook to hold onto the bridge while Heinz was holding onto Perry’s hips. On the other hand, Peter saw the train and he ran. But he wasn’t fast enough so he jumped off the bridge but he didn’t have his graveling hook on him. So, he fell into the water and hit a couple of rocks.

Perry somehow pulled the both of them up onto the back of the train. Heinz hugged Perry and Perry blushed. “THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!”, Heinz said then he let go for Perry. Perry never seen him so happy. He smiled as Heinz looked at the scene. They couldn’t go inside of the train since they didn’t have a ticket so they had to chill outside, but that was perfectly fine with Perry. He had a secret he was hiding from everyone. He had a big crush on Heinz. His nemesis.

“Now Perry the Platypus, you got to tell me more about yourself! I told you every little thing about me, so spill the tea! I don’t mean literally. Because why would you spill tea on purpose? Tea is the best! And- oh I am getting off topic... just tell me everything about yourself!”, Heinz said and Perry laughed a little. “Okay, fine I will... now let me start with my host family.”, Perry said and Heinz sat down on the floor as Perry sat on the floor too. Perry never really got to talk about himself before to really anyone. So, it was kinda exciting for him! Perry knew it was gonna be a long trip home, so he started talking to maybe make the trip go faster.


	7. Wish you were Here

Phineas looked at Candace as she walked over to him and Ferb. “What are you guys doing???”, she asked in a upset tone. “I’m thinking of a way to say sorry to Uncle Perry.... I said some things to him this morning and I don’t know how to apologize.....”, Phineas said in a sad tone. “Oh I see.... I guess I could help you.....”, Candace said and Phineas nodded. “So, what exactly did you say?”, she asked and Phineas explained what he said.

“Yep, he is probably upset about that.... I know him... we hang out all the time... because he acts a lot like a girl since he use to be one... well you need to apologize and really mean it... also he would not be mad about it... just a little depressed you know?”, Candace said and Phineas nodded his head. She gave him a little hug and ruffled Ferb’s hair. “Well, I’m going to the mall with Stacy, mom is inside if you need her, stay out of trouble alright?”, she said and both of the boys nodded their head.

When she left, both of the boys looked at each other. “I gotta think of a good apology... maybe I could hug him and say sorry for what I said. That should work, right Ferb?”, Phineas asked and his brother nodded his head. “I wish he was here so I could tell him I never meant it and I was just a bit upset....”, Phineas said and then he sighed.


	8. Stories to Never Forget

“Oh your host family sounds nice! Hope I can meet them one day! Could you tell me why you joined the OWCA?”, Heinz said in excitement. Perry just got done with telling Heinz about his host family. “Well, I wanted to join when I was very young. I saw a commercial of the place when it first was opening. Anyone could join but then needed to have special skills. Back then I was.... a..... girl...... and-“, Perry got stopped by Heinz saying what a million times. “You were a girl??? Does that mean that you are trans???“, Heinz asked as he was still in shock and Perry nodded his head.

“Oh wow.... I didn’t know.... I will let you finish....”, Heinz said and Perry nodded. “So, like I said, I was a girl and my mom told me that woman should stay home so they can cook, clean, and take care of a family. She said that being an agent was a man’s job. And I was very disappointed. I believed her until I saw that woman could join the agency too. I trained without my mom knowing and one night I ran away from home. I wrote a note saying that I wasn’t coming back and I had a new destiny than be a stupid housewife like her. When I got the job I was so excited, but then I wanted to quit... but that’s a whole different story”, Perry said and Heinz clapped.

“Could you tell me why you wanted to quit? Please? I mean it is gonna be a long trip so why not tell me!”, Heinz said and Perry sighed. “Well, when I got the job, there were no women there. At all. I was the only one. So, everyone called me very bad things and harassed me a lot... especially Peter. Monogram didn’t see it and didn’t care! And I had enough. I was their best agent, but I didn’t care. I walked out of there. And then I decided that the only way I would be accepted would be if I was a guy. So, I did what need to be done-“, Perry got stopped by Heinz.

“When did you move to Danville??? Also, where did you live??”, Heinz and Perry started to explain. “I moved when I ran away from Australia. I flew to Danville and I got the job right away for some reason, so I got my host family. Candace was pretty young and Phineas was just an Infant. And Ferb wasn’t there because she didn’t meet Lawrence yet. Anyways, I got to keep my host family when I quit and I tried to look more like a boy over time. But I cut my hair and started to wear guy clothes when I went back to work. But now I fully look like a guy.... that was it... and Monogram made sure no one harassed me after that....”, Perry said and Heinz clapped again. 

“Wow, I never knew! That’s why your voice is a bit squeaky!”, Heinz said and Perry rolled his eyes. “Well, now we can be closer! I know more about you! You’re not closed, just shy!”, Heinz said and Perry turned away to look at the scenery. It looked like a pretty bright forest. It wasn’t dark and scary but of course Perry didn’t wanna get lost in there. “And- Perry the Platypus, are you even listening to me??? I was talking the whole time you were looking at the forest!”, Heinz said and then he complained some more. Which was okay. Perry loved to listen to Heinz’s voice. It was soo calming to him. Perry thought nothing could go wrong. Oh boy, he was wrong.


	9. You Idiot!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School has been a bug! Now I will finish the story! Enjoy! Sorry for the wait!

As Perry looked at the forest, Heinz was still complaining. But he stopped when he saw burger place. “LOOK!!!! A FOOD PLACE!!!! LET’S-“, he stopped as he fell almost fell off the train. He grabbed on to Perry’s arm, which was not the best idea. Perry didn’t have the balance so he his feet were holding onto the railing on the rain. The worse part is that the train was on a hill and if you fell, you would crash into a lot of trees and you would probably get really hurt. Perry’s feet couldn’t hold them up for long so they flew off the train.

Perry’s hat flew off and Heinz caught it. He pulled out a blow up raft from Perry’s hat and he pulled a string and it blew up and Heinz got in it a rode in it. Perry on the other hand, tumbled down the hill. They landed in a forest and when they got to the bottom, Heinz was perfectly fine. But he wished he could say the same about Perry. “Hey! We made it down safe-“, Heinz said but he looked at Perry. “Y-YOU ASSHOLE!!!!”, Perry said as he whined from the pain. “What do you-“, Heinz stopped as he seen Perry’s arm. 

“That looks like that hurts. Lol, did you break it?”, Heinz asked and Perry glared at him. “Okay, I know this is “my fault”, but I am... sorry?”, Heinz said and Perry finally got up. “Sorry, is not gonna fix my arm. And sorry is not gonna FIX ME GETTING HOME!!!”, Perry said as he tried to walk away from Heinz. But he was limping. “Okay, I know I can’t fix this, but at least like me help you. It’s painful to watch you walk. You look stupid- I mean you look like you are in a lot of pain..”, Heinz said and Perry rolled his eyes. Then Heinz picked Perry up bridal style and ran. Perry hissed and screamed.

“PUT ME DOWN!!!!”, Perry screamed and Heinz stopped running. “Listen, I’m trying to help you! I know this is my fault. I am always clumsy and I only care about my self. But I put us into this mess, so I am gonna get us out of me. And I don’t care how much you hiss, scream, or hit. I will protect you with all my heart until you are safe. Now, I am gonna find a way out of this forest.”, Heinz said as he started to walk again with Perry in his arms. Perry smiled and blushed a bit hearing that. 

“Hey, I’m sorry for being pissed at you... I just wanna get home to my family. I wanna know they are safe. I wanna say sorry to Phineas... I feel horrible.. and now my arm is broken and my leg is in pain. And now if you go to jail, I have to get a new host family.. It’s just not my day today. But at least I’m with you- I mean at least I am not doing this alone!”, Perry said and Heinz just looked at him and smiled. “You cute sometimes, Perry the Platypus.”, Heinz said and Perry blushed. This was gonna be a long day. Or do I mean longer than a day.


End file.
